We walked out of the locker room as the coach caught him.
"Get in here and close the door," the coach told him, almost dragging TJ into the office with him.
I waited outside for the coach to finish with TJ. Peeking through the window, I saw the coach with a needle, injecting something into my boyfriend.
I waited after we left until we got in the car.
"What were you doing with the coach?" I asked him.
"Nothing. He wanted to discuss the upcoming game."
"I saw a needle."
He looked over at me and swerved, almost running into a car coming the other way. He looked back at the road and jerked the wheel back, the car again in the right lane, before opening his mouth.
"Nothing. He was just giving me vitamins."
I looked over at him as he drove, him refusing to look at me. I knew he was lying.
I had heard the rumors of the football players using steroids, but didn't believe it. What I saw, and those rumors, I was pretty sure that was what was going on.
"I don't like you using that stuff," I told him.
"You don't know what the fuck you are talking about!" he yelled at me. I shut up, and sat there, staring out the window, wanting nothing more than to get out of the car.
He dropped me off at my house, not saying a word as I got out. Which was good, because I didn't want to see him right now. I went into the house, threw myself on the bed, and sobbed for a while.
I refused to speak to him for the next couple days.
The next morning, my phone lit up with a call from him. I ignored it, letting it roll over to voicemail. I out with a friend of mine on Saturday, who was also dating one of the football players.
Eventually, I brought up the subject.
"Megan, I need to ask you something." She looked at me with concern written on her face.
"What is it?" she asked.
"I caught the couch giving TJ steroids."
Instead of shock, or anything else, a look of sympathy flashed across her face.
My guess was right, Jason, her boyfriend, was probably using them too.
"Honey, listen. They need to do something to make it. How many players do you know of that actually get a shot at the college teams, or pro?"
I nodded my head. That was what TJ wanted, to join one of the college teams after.
"But, still, steroids?"
"Oh, it isn't too bad. He gets a little moody after, but then calms down again."
I thought about it. "Its like we have the same boyfriend."
She patted my arm.
I looked up at her, opened my mouth a couple times, closing it before I said anything. Finally, I blurted it out. "Has he ever hit you?"
Her hand jerked back.
We sat there in awkward silence for a while.
She finally spoke up. "Ever smoke pot?"
I shook my head. I had smoked a couple times, at some of the big parties.
"Next time he gets his shot, get him stoned. He will be fine until the...rage...wears off."
I understood. "But, they shouldn't do it."
"Oh, sweety, we can't stop them. Anyways, do you want to try to get him to stop, knowing it could mess up his whole future?"
I shook my head no, not wanting to say anything. I was afraid I would start crying if I opened my mouth.
We talked more about it, then moved on to important things, like about the vices that men had in general, and why we were better than them, and then to the store, where the important stuff happened.
Shoes. Clothes. Ice cream and Cold Stone.
We hung out at the mall after leaving the theater, watching the losers.
"Look how fat she is!"
"Would you be caught dead out in that?"
Oh my god, look at how ugly she is. If I were her, I would kill myself."
After a while, we met up with more friends, and spent the day together.
It is always fun at the mall.
He called me shortly after noon, and later in the day. I rejected the call.
The next day, I had 10 missed calls, with 4 voicemails.
"Babe, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you."
"Honey, call me back. I love you."
"Hey, just thinking of you. I need to talk to you. I'm sorry and won't let it happen again."
"Please pick up. I hate it when you are mad at me."
The next Monday, I accepted his apology. In his car. In the parking lot.
"Fuck me," I whispered in his ear as I straddled him in the back seat.
"Sorry, I am just not in the mood right now."
I felt both hurt and furious, but pushed it back down.
"You used again, didn't you?"
"And if I did?" He stared at me, almost a challenge.
I held his face, looking him in the eye. "I don't like it."
He tried to pull away, but I held his head firmly.
"Let...me...finish..." I growled at him.
He stopped trying to pull away and went back to looking me in the eye.
"I don't like it," I repeated. "But, I know how important it is for you to be noticed and picked up. You are graduating this year, and I know you want to join a college team. So, make me a deal."
He nodded, looking at me wearily.
"Tell me when you do it."
He nodded again.
"Now, we have to go buy something." He was puzzled by that, but soon we had the pot in hand and was headed over to his friends house.
Soon, we were all good and baked. I just laid on the couch, not wanting to move much. The boys said something, I started laughing, not able to stop. They had an interesting discussion that centered around monopoly money being used to replace real money.
The entire time, he never raged.
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