Nickelback-Figured you out (with lyrics)

First off, yes, I understand this is suppose to paint a negative portrait of the female subject of the song (I guess the guy gets away with it because of the whole "rock and roll lifestyle"). I guess some guys take it to mean a woman is less than him if she is more deviant. That is not where I want to focus here though.

There is so much in this song that sometimes reminds me of, well, me.
Wonder if he wrote it because of someone like me.
Makes me think of lots of naughty stories, both real and fantasy.
I assume many of you have already had your own dirty little fantasies about the subjects of this song.
So, what are your dirty little stories that this song makes you think of?
Show me yours, and I will show you mine. (Stories only...)

So for you, here is some insight into how the lyrics of the song fit me:

I like your pants around your feet

-          My pants have been in this position more than once

And I like the dirt that's on your knees

-          The forest is fun, just make sure you have a blanket or else you end up with needles poking you in the ass

And I like the way you still say please

-          I have never done this, personally

While you're looking up at me

-          It is extremely fun to look the guy in the eye to see how he reacts to what I am doing to him

You're like my favourite damn disease

-          I have had a stalker or two in my time, it seems like they have some sort of sickness, and for some reason think I am the cure

And I love the places that we go

-          I love seeing new places, as well as finding new places to make love in

And I love the people that you know

-          Much to most of my ex-boyfriends dismay, most of the people I knew were other guys that I had been with, so I can just imagine them saying this, with the sarcasm an almost visual thing

And I love the way you can't say no

-          Depends, I can say no to many things, but some things I am very bad at saying no to

Too many long lines in a row

-          I remember once doing 8-ball sized lines of crank.

I love the powder on your nose

-          One of those things I was never able to say no to

And now I know who you are

-          So, do you know who I am?

It wasn't that hard, just to figure you out

-          Have you figured me out?

(Now I did, you wonder why)

-          Are you sure you have?

And now I know who you are

-          I am me, simply me

It wasn't that hard, just to figure you out

-          But can you without seeing my whole life, not just the naughty bits I share here?

(Now I did, you wonder why)

I like the freckles on your chest

-          I used to have freckles on my chest, and I still have some on my face

And I like the way you like me best

-          There are a few people that all we had was sex

And I like the way you're not impressed

-          They were just a toy, so why should I be impressed?

While you put me to the test

-          Can you pass?

I like the white stains on your dress

-          Did you know cum is difficult to get out of some materials?

And I love the way you pass the check

-          I did have a tendency to blame others when I was younger for all my problems

And I love the good times that you wreck

-          Yes, I have also been known to do this a few times

And I love your lack of self-respect

-          My self-esteem was not the best when I was younger

While you passed out on the deck

-          I have done this more often than you want to know, until I cleaned up

I love my hands around your neck

-          Erotic Asphyxiation can be fun

And now I know who you are

It wasn't that hard, just to figure you out

(Now I did, you wonder why)

And now I know who you are

It wasn't that hard, just to figure you out

(Now I did, you wonder why)

(Why not before, you never tried)

(Gone for good, and this is it)

I like your pants around your feet

-     Better yet, I want to see your pants around your feet

And I like the dirt that's on your knees

-          Should I break out a double headed dildo?

And I like the way you still say please

-     Will you say please? And don't forget "Thank You"

While you're looking up at me

-     I also love seeing the look on a guys face when they lick me, and have to laugh when they give me a face like they would rather be doing anything else, maybe I should keep the dildo next to me for those expressions

You're like my favourite damn disease

-     I have even had the Poison Ivy style fantasies. So, can I stalk you?

And I hate the places that we go

-          I have been many places, and some places are probably those you would never want to go

And I hate the people that you know

-          I guess there is no more need of sarcasm

And I hate the way you can't say no

Too many long lines in a row

-          The longest I have ever been up is about 3 days. What can I say, I liked powders a little too much.

I hate the powder on your nose

-          Fortunately, I do not even drink anymore

And now I know who you are

It wasn't that hard, just to figure you out

(Now I did, you wonder why)

And now I know who you are

It wasn't that hard, just to figure you out

(Now I did, you wonder why)

(Why not before, you never tried)

(Gone for good, and this is it)