Things became rather awkward between us for a while after that.
We still walked to school together, but no longer held hands. Sometimes I would catch him looking at me when he thought I wasn't looking, and I think he even caught me doing it a couple times.
We didn't talk much, and we started going places by ourselves, instead of with each other. It felt like we were drifting apart.
I masturbated to him more than once after that, and found myself dreaming about him. I had never thought of him like that before, and started feeling guilty thinking about my brother in a sexual way. That was one reason for the silence between us, and the wall I felt being built around us.
We no longer walked into each other's room unannounced, or used the restroom while the other was in there. We lived like strangers that were in the same area.
I found myself, on my bed, reading something funny, to find my brother not there as I looked up to tell him and laugh about it. I found myself crying, and thinking how unfair this was, with an emptiness settling in me.
8/7/2014 3:32 PM
For the next two months, we lived that way. Our relationship became strained and I stopped taking proper care of myself. One day, it was just too much, and I couldn't take it anymore.
8/19/2014 3:13 PM (Sorry, I am still working on it, just haven't been in a writing mood lately. This is why this is a writing exercise. You get to see what happens when I write things, and why I normally don't post until they are complete.)
I knocked on his door, something that was odd for me, but I felt was needed with our recent tensions.
"Come in," came his reply to the knock.
I walked in, my eyes darting around the room, trying to avoid looking at him.
"What's up," he asked. I could hear the annoyance in his voice.
I broke down right there, crying and shaking. I felt his arms around me in a heartbeat.
"Shh," came his soft whisper, trying to console me. I just stood there, crying, as he held me tenderly.
Finally, after it was out of my system, he guided me to the bed and sat me down, settling next to me.
"What has happened to us?" I said in a weak voice, feeling drained.
I peeked over at him, and found him studying my face.
"I don't know," he answered. "All I know is one day, you started avoiding me, acting cold towards me."
I laughed. Not an amused laugh, but one aimed at the irony.
"I felt embarrassed and awkward, and didn't know how to react," I stated to his implied question.
"No, before I saw you, you know," his words faltered off, but I knew he was referring to seeing me masturbating.
"Not that. I mean, I saw you. Before you saw me..." I trailed off, not wanting to finish.
"Wait, you what?" He asked, a surprised look across his face.
"One day, I walked into your room. I don't even remember for what. Anyways, there you were, on the bed, your penis in your hand. I stood there, in the doorway, and watched you. I am sorry, I couldn't look away. It was like I was hypnotized." I paused to let the words sink in, then went on. "When you came, I left, quietly closing the door. I was not sure what to say. I saw you, and thought about that. I couldn't get it out of my head."
He looked at me for a while before finally replying. "I was wondering what was going on. I thought it was you tripping and accidentally exposing yourself to me. That maybe you were mad at me for looking, and not looking away." He chuckled.
"What is so funny?," I asked him, finally looking him in the eye and pinning him down with my best withering glare.
"I don't think you want to know sis," he told me, his voice suddenly somber.
I sighed. "Tell me. It can't be any worse than us barely speaking for two months."
"Really, I think it is better if I don't," he told me, all humor lost.
I looked into his eyes, and saw something that worried me. "Tell me," I told him, no longer trying to force it out of him, but more worried about something that could drive us apart. "Please."
We sat there for a while, not saying anything, just looking into each others eyes, trying to guess at the secrets behind them.
He sighed, then got up and walked to the other end of his room, looking down the window. "I..." he stopped, and I could hear him swallow. It seemed so loud, with us together in the room, not another sound in the house. "I was masturbating to thoughts of you, on the floor, with your legs spread."
With that, he turned around, walked past me, sitting on his bed, and left the room. I sat there in shock with what I had just heard.
9/15/2014 1:04 PM (This is why I will normally not post a story until it is complete. I already know most of the story, and how I will write it, but to actually sit down and do it, to flesh it out, can be very hit and miss. Anyways, this is finally the end of chapter 6.)
No comments:
Post a Comment